What is Domestic & Dating Violence & Abuse?

Domestic and dating abuse and violence, also known as intimate partner violence, can be defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends, or cohabitation. The harm may be physical, sexual, or psychological and can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.

Violence against one person by another is wrong, whether the abuser is a current or past spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend; someone you date; a family member; an acquaintance; or a stranger. If you are experiencing violence you are not at fault. You did not cause the abuse to happen and you are not responsible for the violent behavior of someone else.

Myths vs. Facts

Myth: Batterers use violence because they get so angry that they are out of control.
Fact: Batterers who beat their partners do not usually beat other people with whom they associate. If battering reflected solely a mental illness, or inability to control oneself, then it is highly unlikely that the same target would be singled out time after time. Abusers tend not to behave in public as they do at home. For example, most abusers do not beat their boss when they become angry in the workplace, but will beat their partner when they get home. Violence is not an uncontrollable act.

Myth: Drugs and alcohol use cause the violence.
Fact: Blaming alcohol or drugs is another way to get out from under the responsibility for violent behavior. Substance abuse and domestic violence are two separate problems which can occur together, but treating one will not "cure" the other. Substance abuse may increase the frequency or severity of the violent episodes in some cases.

Power and Control Wheel

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Abuse is a choice, used to gain power and control over another person. Abuse is a systematic pattern of behavior that can be physical, psychological, sexual, economic, or other selective acts of violence (such as destroying property or possessions, hurting pets, etc.) to instill fear in the individual being controlled.

• The hub of the wheel is the intention of all tactics: to establish power and control.
• Each spoke of the wheel describes a tactic.
• The rim of the wheel, which gives it strength and holds in together, is fear and physical abuse, or the threat of it.

The Power and Control Wheel effectively outlines the entire scope of abuse, from verbal to emotional to physical, although it is not an exhaustive list of abusive tactics and each one does not apply to every person experiencing abuse.

Equality Wheel

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The Equality Wheel provides a graphic representation of what a healthy relationship may look like. Placed side by side with the Power and Control Wheel, it is easy to recognize the drastic differences as well as how behaviors need to change in an abusive relationship in order for it to be healthy.