General safety planning

A Protection from Abuse Order may not be enough to keep you and your children safe. It is important to talk to others about the abuse because breaking the silence will build your courage to keep you strong and safe. Remember that you are not alone.

If your abuser is not living with you or has been evicted, change the locks or add locks to all your windows and doors, including garage, basement, patio doors and windows. Change the car locks or add security systems such as The Club or an alarm. Be sure to check your car and trunk before entering to make sure no one is hiding in it.

Change the time you leave and come from places regularly such as your job, the bank, the hairdresser, dropping your children off for school, the supermarket, religious services, and relatives’ and friends’ homes.

However, you should know that if you are married to your abuser and your Protection Order does not include an eviction order, your abuser has a right to get into the house if it is jointly owned/rented, even if your abuser breaks in! He/she also has the right to destroy property in the house.

Telephone safety

Consider purchasing a remote or cell phone that can be reached safely. Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID, or a trusted friend or relative screen your calls. If you have to communicate with your partner, think about the safest way to do so.

You may need to change your phone number and have the new number unlisted, or you may be able to use Caller ID services to have your abuser’s telephone number blocked and/or the harassing calls traced.

Call the telephone company and discuss your situation to find out what services are available to help keep you safe. Use an answering machine to screen your calls.

Any threats made to you and recorded on the answering machine can be used as evidence in court.

Using the Internet

Be careful about using the Internet at home. If an abuser has access to your e-mail account, he/she may be able to read your incoming/outgoing mail. If you believe your account is secure, make sure you choose a password he or she won't be able to guess.

If an abuser sends you threatening or harassing email messages, they may be printed and saved as evidence of the abuse. Additionally, the messages may constitute a federal offense For more information on this issue, contact your local U.S. Attorney's office.

If an abuser knows how to read your computer’s history or cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he/she may be able to see information you have viewed recently on the Internet.

You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your browser's settings.

 
Netscape
Pull down the Edit menu, and select Preferences. Click on Navigator and choose Clear History. Click on Advanced and select Cache. Click Clear Disk Cache.
   
On older versions of Netscape, pull down the Options menu and select Network Options. Select Cache and click Clear Disk Cache.
 
Internet Explorer
Pull down the Tools menu and select Internet Options. On the General tab, under Temporary Internet Files, click Delete Files. Under History, click Clear History.
 
AOL
Pull down the Members menu and select Preferences. Click the WWW icon and select Advanced. Purge Cache.

Additionally, a victim needs to make sure that the "Use Inline Autocomplete" box is not checked. This function will complete a partial web address while you are typing in the address bar at the top of the browser.

If you are using Internet Explorer, this box can be found by selecting the Tools menu, then Internet Options, then the Advanced tab. About halfway down the window, there is a Use Autocomplete box. Make sure it is unchecked.

NOTE: The above information may not completely hide your tracks. Many browser types have features that display recently visited sites. The safest way to find information on the Internet would be at a local library, a friend’s house, or at work (See http://www.abanet.org/domviol/internet.html).

Keeping your children safe

Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them: a room with a lock or a neighbor’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
Inform your children’s school, daycare workers, and baby sitters about your situation so that your abuser cannot gain access to you or your children. Batterers frequently use children as bait to regain access to battered women.

Teach your children the following:

  • How to use the telephone to call the police (dialing 911)
  • Their own telephone number and area code
  • Their address and your full name

Safety at work

Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train. If possible, devise this plan with your supervisor or human resources manager. Use a variety of routes. Think about what you would do if something happened while you were on your way home.

Collecting evidence

Keep any evidence of physical abuse (ripped clothes, photos of bruises and injuries, etc.)
If you are injured, go to a hospital emergency room or doctor and report what has happened to you. Ask that they document the visit or ask to speak to a medical advocate. Keep a log/diary in a safe place.

Get a blank notebook and keep track of what is happening to you. Log incidents — the date, time, place, what happened, any injuries you received, names of doctors, hospitals, names and badge numbers of police. Record all contacts you make; be sure to note the names of people you talk to, their telephone numbers, and dates and times of these contacts.

Other Ways to Help Yourself

Plan to attend a woman’s support group for at least two weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.

A Woman’s Place medical advocates are available in all seven acute care hospitals and nine clinics in Bucks County. They provide free and confidential crisis counseling and follow-up services to all patients who disclose domestic violence.

Patients can request to speak with a Woman’s Place medical advocate at any of the hospitals or clinics listed below: