Safety. Oh to feel the confidence of that again, that nothing ever, ever could harm me! He could vanquish dragons on my behalf! I basked in the warmth of others’ admiration for him as I was Fred Odell’s son! I can still feel his warm hugs, knowing that all was right with the world when he was near, or the touch of his hand when we walked to the comic book store in the center of town. Once I asked him why he always insisted on being on the street side on these outings, and he said, “So I can protect you.”

Which brings me to the courageous part. Because he knew I was safe he encouraged me to be courageous. He wasn’t always around but when he was he made time for me. I knew that when I came in from a hard day of playing, with scrapes and bruises, he would be kind and bandage me up and tell me to get back out there.

“Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not why they are made!” he would say. He didn’t just tell me; I could SEE him doing it. I could see him getting up to go to work to provide for our large family. As Director of Development for Allegheny College I could see his fundraising charts on his office walls. I could see the approving smiles on people’s faces as we walked by them on the streets. They – and I – knew he was up to something big. He was out there most days making a difference in the lives of others and it made me want to be that way too.

I think these are the two best qualities that a man can have: to create safety and in that safety to encourage courageousness. When we teach our children that they are safe and deeply loved, that nothing will stand in the way of that love, then they will feel strong enough to take chances. And with that love we are asked to make others’ lives better. Courageousness comes out of safety. It’s too easy to be comfortable. The world is filled with comfortable people doing comfortable things. But my father inspired me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and to work hard to make the world better. These are qualities I try to share with my now (almost) grown daughters.

So on this Father’s Day I invite you, male or female, to think about how you can bring healthy mature masculine energy to the ones you love. What is your personal mix of safety and courageousness? Do you listen to others’ endless complaints and stand by as they don’t step into their own power?  Do you listen to your loved ones’ stories just long enough to tell them what they should do? Or do you make sure they feel safe and heard and then challenge them to be the best version of themselves?

Thanks, Dad, for giving me access to the harbor and the ocean. I love you.

Happy Father’s Day!

Courage: A Woman’s Place acts bravely and boldly, not withstanding fear.*
*excerpt from the Values Statement of A Woman’s Place

Ken Odell
Father, son, & AWP Volunteer

It’s what I love about fun. Surely you’ve heard of fun. If not fun., you had to have heard of some of their songs. One day, every time I got into and turned on my car, one of their songs was playing on the radio. We Are Young. Some Nights. They are products of fun. that have soared to the top of charts – and any number of us have sung along as they climbed their way to number one. A band name that says it all, hit songs that get you up out of your seat, AND they are advocates for LGBT rights.

Jack Antanoff said it best in his Spinner interview. “Being part of a band of three straight men, we felt there was an inherent power in the fact that we aren’t gay, and yet we still care and we have a voice – there’s a responsibility there. There are moments in history where it’s vital [to have a voice] and anyone that is not standing up for the LGBT community is a huge part of what’s holding them back.”  Check out his blog for the Huffington Post, Straight Allies: The Importance and the Realities and their interview with Xtra!.

June is LGBT Pride Month and AWP knows that – whether you are gay or not, whether you are a victim of domestic violence or not – we have a voice and we have a responsibility. There is an inherent power and strength in caring about our whole community… and in having a voice for social justice.

In their hit song Some Nights, the question is posed early on – What do you stand for? I try to keep that question front and center in my mind. It’s infused in my professional choices. I work to instill it in my kids. It is a guide in the choices we have to make day in and day out. It should make each of us stop and think. I’ve made a life of standing for social justice, and that choice has to be in everything I do.

WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR?

Social Justice: A Woman’s Place analyzes structural social inequalities in order to promote justice.*
*excerpt from the Values Statement of A Woman’s Place

Ifeoma U. Aduba
Executive Director

The fur-flying fights stopped after about six months. The need for two sets of bowls and two litter pans placed strategically around the house ended after about a year, when they began accompanying each other to eat or pee, waiting before taking a turn, for surveillance purposes, perhaps in tolerance—definitely not with fondness. Especially with the last frontier continuing to be our bed. Eve had been accustomed to sleeping in “the big room upstairs with the man,” and Cal had been used to “the big cat bed the lady likes to sleep on too.” We joked about “The Changing of the Kitty,” when one vacates a spot and the other one fills in. Although there had been those episodes when one refused to relinquish, which had meant nights jolted awake to an ear-piercing “Rowwwww!!!”

You may have noticed a tense change in that last sentence. This had been life in our two-cat house until last week when we moved my great-Aunt Betty’s scalloped-edge Queen Anne end table out of the corner of the living room into the dining room to make it easier for the delivery of our new flat-screen TV.  That’s when the “starting gun” cracked the air and eight little feline legs galloped across our bamboo floor with the din of the Persian advance. They propelled and plummeted themselves from sofa to chairs to floor, the pads of their feet barely making contact with a surface as they whipped and bounced and flew around the room. Our cats were playing together, their simple kitty lives suddenly expanding, although Eve, who’s zaftig (that’s Yiddish for overweight), rested by the table a lot, batting her chubby paw while Cal continued her mad dashes. She was showing off.

Cal and Eve are now both sleeping on our bed. And I often come home at night tofindfurniture toppled and two pairs of eyes that seem to say, “I don’t know how that happened.”

I have always had a rescued cat. And usually more than one at a time, except in college when I was defiant enough to have smuggled one into my dorm room. Right now, my husband and I are sponsoring Wiley, a behemoth who’s sheltered (yes, the cat is a “who”) at Animals in Distress in Coopersburg. We would have taken him home, but he is tumble-weed-sized because of an eating disorder and still needs to be in solitary until they regulate his weight. This is to call attention to June being National Adopt-a-Cat Month. I probably can’t make a cat-lover out of you if you aren’t one already. But if do have one, consider another. Everyone needs a friend, or in the case of our “fur girls,” a partner in crime. The going may be ruff at first (that was a joke), but eventually there will be peace. And if not, try moving a piece of furniture.

Carla Odell
Community Educator

The pursuit of social justice calls for that same resolve. We can just never give up. Imagine if we gave up? If Rosa Parks got up from her seat on the bus? If Susan B. Anthony decided that the right to vote was unimportant? If Mary Lyon believed less in the education of women? Where would we be then? Where would we be now?

Yesterday, June 5, was National Running Day. I ran in the morning because I could. I ran because I wanted to be part of something larger than myself. I ran because I should never give up.

Last week I explored answers to the question, “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?” When it comes to social justice… (and running)… I won’t give up!

WHY DO YOU RUN?

Social Justice: A Woman’s Place analyzes structural social inequalities in order to promote justice.*
*excerpt from the Values Statement of A Woman’s Place

Ifeoma U. Aduba
Executive Director

Katz asks a very important question that gets at the root of why sexual abuse, rape and domestic abuse remain a problem: What’s going on with men?

1. Excerpt from Ted

2) I’d stop asking the question and start answering it. I love to be the asker. I’m a curious person who spends a lot of time thinking about things. I love to understand people. In a casual conversation with two others about their personal relationships, I hurled this question into the mix. It shouldn’t be relegated to just women and leadership. The applications are endless. Of course, as a single woman, I’m an expert on relationships (and yes – that was drenched in sarcasm). It took me a few days to sheepishly send a text message to the one friend apologizing for pushing an issue that wasn’t mine to push. Instead, I should turn that same question in on myself and my own relationships (or lack thereof) and ask myself what I would do.

3) I’d stop making excuses and make time to put myself out there. The irony is that I’ve surrounded myself – somewhat accidentally – with brave individuals who are doing just that. They are casting fear to the side and jumping into the discomfort with both feet. They try new things, they go new places, and they meet new people. And they are completely ruining that excuse of, “There just isn’t enough time!” Of course there is. Sure, we’re busy; but we aren’t that busy. (Between you and me, sometimes I put work aside and enjoy a bowl of popcorn, glass of wine, and episode of Scandal… and the world continues to spin.) I have a lot of work. I have family commitments. But truthfully, if I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there, I’d have time.

4) I’d ask for what I need. I’m not that girl. I meet needs, I don’t have them. Let me know if there’s anything you need! Just ask! My door’s open! (See how I said all that with a big smile?!) I am happy to help you meet your need. Then, late at night, when I’m agonizing over my own needs – or more likely the painfully negative impact of not articulating what they were in the first place – I get a little bitter and snarky and feel some sort of way towards others. And then I get mad at myself because I can’t really be mad at others since I never told them what I wanted or needed in the first place. And damn – why do I have to be so thoughtful and self-aware that I can’t even just be irrationally mad at people in the middle of the night when they are fast asleep and will never know anyway?!?!

5) I’d dance and sing more. In public. Just because. And not care that the person passing me in the aisle of the grocery store thinks I’m nuts. I’ve got a good song (or whole playlist) in my head and it makes me happy and I’m sharing my joy with the world.

6) I’d hug and kiss my kids even more than I do now. They are tolerant individuals who seem to genuinely be ok with their mom being a little weird. And that makes me want to squeeze them as if there’s a chance the world may end tomorrow and nobody’s been able to get Will Smith on the phone to come and save the day. (He should always be your go to guy, especially if aliens are trying to destroy earth.)

7) I’d find and fall in love. ‘Nuff said.

And my last one…I’d be brave. How awesome is that? Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and repeat after me – I am brave. Yes, Sara Bareilles – I’d show you how big my brave is. Thanks for writing the soundtrack to my brave.

I AM BRAVE.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN’T AFRAID?

Ifeoma U. Aduba
Executive Director

The question I asked myself (and continue to ask) is, “Would I stop and help?”

We all want to believe that we would stop. We want to believe that our better selves would take the wheel and drive in that moment. We would ignore that we were late to get to that meeting at work, or to pick up the kids, or to meet a friend for happy hour. We would ignore that judgment in our mind that questions why that individual needs help in the first place. Will they accept my help the way that I want it accepted? What did they do to deserve their current circumstance? We would ignore that feeling of caution or fear that stopping might somehow hurt or harm us.

My conclusion (at least for now) is that I need to always challenge myself. I want to stop. I want to cast fear and caution and judgment out the window. I also want to be constantly aware and vigilant of the beaten down travelers who I do not pass, but are still along the road. The need is not only that one person before me. The need is greater.

All lives have equal value. I believe that. All lives – in front of me or otherwise, because we are all interconnected – have equal value.

Pope Paul VI gave a message on January 1, 1972. His message: If You Want Peace, Work for Justice.

I want peace. I know that peace is possible. I am actively working to dismantle the “Culture of Can’t” that has shaped my past and tried to convince me that it cannot be done. You see, I’ve witnessed it. I’ve seen people at peace and living lives that are flourishing. Therefore, because I believe in a peaceful, flourishing world, I work for justice.

Social justice is based on equality. It values human rights. It recognizes the dignity of every life, without exception. Social justice is valuable and necessary and I will work for it. A Woman’s Place will work for it.

On May 3, 2012, the Membership of AWP adopted a Values Statement. This underlying set of core beliefs help to define AWP and AWP’s work. It guides AWP’s behavior and shapes the strategies that are pursued in the face of both challenges and opportunities. AWP values social justice, analyzing structural social inequalities in order to promote justice.

WILL YOU STOP AND HELP…
or will you just pass by?

Ifeoma U. Aduba
Executive Director

Social Justice: A Woman’s Place analyzes structural social inequalities in order to promote justice.*
*excerpt from the Values Statement of A Woman’s Place

When I got my license, I saved and saved until I had enough money to purchase my first car.  Like any teenager, I was so excited to drive, pick up my girlfriends and take them for a spin…but it wasn’t that simple. First my father required I learn how to change a tire.  After doing so (several times) and learning various things about the engine, I was finally allowed to take my car out.

My dad wasn’t just a sports loving, car fanatic…he also helped around the house.  Nights when my mother would come home late, he was the one making us all dinner, doing the laundry, giving us baths.  My parents had no set responsibilities.  They were both capable of changing a light bulb or cooking a pasta dinner (although my mother’s cooking always beat his!).

Also, as we were growing up my parents stressed we should respect, treat, and love everyone equally. It doesn’t matter the color, age, gender, size or shape – what does matter is the way you treat them. As a new intern at A Woman’s Place (AWP) I discovered one of their core values is: Social Justice: A Woman’s Place analyzes structural social inequalities in order to promote justice. This reminds me of  my upbringing and The Golden Rule – treat others the way you want to be treated, and I believe, as does AWP, everyone will flourish!

Sarah Battista
Communications Summer Intern

I warn you in advance, that what you are about to read is a collision of my different worlds. On this page is a blending of my faith, my work, my children, and my passion. Wise? Unwise? Feel free to be the judge. I’m settling with… it just is.

My faith is at the center of my life. I don’t know that I always realized that, but it’s pretty clear to me now and I think I am stronger and my work is better for it. As I sat in church last Sunday (aka Mother’s Day) with my two daughters, I nudged them as Pastor Mike read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. To further make a point, I made my 10-year-old grab her Hands-On Kid’s Bible and read it out loud over Mother’s Day lunch.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Ironically, as a divorced mother of two, I am passionate about love. When I look back over some of the more monumental life choices I’ve made – including getting married, having kids, and getting divorced – love was at the center of all of those decisions. At one point, I probably would have scoffed at the idea of making love-based choices, but now I recognize the incredible value in that.

Domestic violence work has to be love-filled. To truly immerse yourself and make the life choice to do this work, you have to love it. You have to have a patient and kind love. A love that never gives up and never loses faith. An enduring love that rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Without that, it is just a job that you are completing for a few hours of your week and the outcomes become substantially diminished.

At the heart of this work, this life-choice work, are the brave individuals that we serve every day, the children that are living in bleak and terrifying times, and the families that they are all so desperate to preserve. They have been beaten down, lied to, betrayed – all in the name of love. Love is so skewed, that to unravel the lies and truths about love is a daunting task. Love is not jealous or rude. It does not demand its own way. It does not rejoice about injustice.

I love my faith. I love my work. I love that the two are and will forever be intertwined. I love that I get to share all of it with my children who I also love. And I love that I can spread the power of love through all of those worlds.

EMBRACE TRUE LOVE AND UNLEASH ITS POWER!

Ifeoma U. Aduba
Executive Director

Loving.
Giving.
Beautiful.
Patient (most of the time).
Smart.
Supportive.
Hardworking.
A great cook, second only to her own mom, my brilliant grandma (who, in case you were wondering, also has tiny feet).
A good friend.
Multitalented.
Independent.
A good judge of character (she did marry my dad, after all!).
Always there.
Honest (only the way a mom can be).
Funny.
Confident.

In one word, she is…a mother.  She’s not perfect (sorry, Mom, I know you may be reading this – she occasionally follows our blog because A Woman’s Place (AWP) is important to me and therefore important to her, too), but she’s arguably the best mother that me, my brother, and my sister could ask for.  And, though I have no experience being one myself, I believe it takes a special person to be a mother, because you can’t just be all these things; you have to be able to teach these things.

My mom has certainly done her part.  So have all the other “moms” in my life: my Godmother, whom I can always count on; both my grandmothers, who taught me to be strong in the face of hardship; my “AWP moms”, who remind me to take care of myself when I fail to do so.   I admit I often take these women for granted, but I hope they all know how much they mean to me.  Not just today but every day, because motherhood is a lifelong career.

So to all the women who have chosen the job that is never done…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Christina Baer
Education & Training Manager