My son, Will, is in pre-school Monday through Wednesday. I drop him off in the morning and go to work. About two hours later, I leave work to go pick him up from school, drive him to daycare, and then go back to work. Less than five hours later I leave work for the day, pick him up from daycare, and go home. Then I spend the next few hours making dinner, fighting with Will to get him in the bathtub and then into bed, doing the dishes, and folding laundry before I finally manage to literally crawl into bed. I love when Wednesdays are over!

I work full-time, I’m a mom full-time, and Monday through Wednesday I have a side gig as a kiddie chauffeur. Every once in a while, as I’m lying in bed, I wonder “what did I do for myself today.” Most often, as is the case with many women, the answer is “not a whole heck of a lot!”

On Tuesday, I sent out an email about making a point to find time to spend with your family. I also firmly believe you need to make a point to find time for yourself. The units we are a part of are great, but you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are as an individual.

Whether you have a hobby, you like to run, or you want to catch a movie with friends – do it! It’s good for the mind and the spirit. It rejuvenates you. Women’s National Health Week isn’t just about treating your body well. It’s also about being good to your mind and soul.

Jenny Salisbury, AWP Events & Special Projects Manager

It’s National Women’s Health Week and one of the ways of staying healthy is to eat “right”. It seems we are always on the “fast track” these days. Food, and meals in particular, seem to take a “back seat” to the rest of our “to do” list. When you consider that food is our fuel, and is what gives us our energy, we should definitely pay more attention to it.

My husband is the cook in our home and he believes that the ambiance surrounding the food/meal is just as important as the preparation. We eat by candlelight at dinner each night, which signifies to us that we are sharing something special.

Recently I discovered a new social media called,”Pinterest“. It is a sort of “virtual vision board”. I use it to “pin” (save to my account) ideas and recipes I want to try or share.  It’s much easier/better than printing  them out.  In my search to find a fast and easy way to make a nutricious breakfast and lunch for the work week, I found an interesting concept which uses Mason Jars. I have been doing them for a few weeks now and love that I can make everything ahead, that they are healthy and I don’t have to deal with making breakfast and lunch every day during the week.  (Click here for breakfast and here for lunch in a Mason Jar websites to get the recipes.)

A good balance of quick and tasty foods for breakfast and lunch, with relaxed and delicious meals for dinner, makes me feel I have the best of both worlds.

Bon Appetit,

Jacalyn A. Hartzell, AWP Development Assistant

A second, and perhaps healthier option, is to go for a run.

They sound so similar and yet are so dramatically different – running away vs. going for a run. And really, going for a run has way better long term effects.

I joined the track team when I was 12. My big brother “strongly suggested” that I should focus on track and six years later, my 4 x 100 relay team competed at the state championship and set a school record that held firm for 18 years. Now, at the age of 38, sprinting is what I do to get my kids from one place to another, not what I do for my own health and wellness.

That’s why I started running longer distances. My neighbor and I meet up every morning between the high school bus (6:45 am) and getting our younger kids ready for the elementary bus (7:30 am). During that block of “Mommy Time” we run up to 5 miles, all for our own good.

On some days, it’s about the futile quest to get a few pounds closer to our 20-something selves. Every day, however, is about making me feel good. When I searched online, Women’sHealth.com told me why it makes me feel so good. My early morning cardio affects my brain.

My running:

• Boosts my productivity
• Revs my energy
• Sharpens my memory and problem solving
• Works out my brain and my heart
• Lowers my stress
• Shakes me out of a funk

As a full-time, working mother of two, I need every edge I can get. As a woman, health and wellness needs to be important to me. And, let’s be honest, running away is not a good option. Instead, on those dark and chilly mornings I throw back the covers and remember that Nike told me to “Just Do It.” Then I slip on my New Balance running shoes, put my kid on the school bus, and go for a run.

May 13 – May 19 is National Women’s Health Week. If running’s not your thing, that’s fine. Just do something. Join me in working out and build a community of healthy, smart, unstoppable women!

Ifeoma Aduba, AWP Associate Director

We always had a garden in our back yard that supplied most of our fruits and vegetables. They were canned and frozen and turned into wonderful meals for our family of 7.  All our beds were covered with patchwork quilts she made on her Singer sewing machine, along with our clothes for school. Crocheted afghans were draped on our couch to use while watching TV, and her knitted sweaters, scarfs and mittens kept us warm in the winter.  All these things, and more she made with love, love for her family.  She’s been gone eighteen years now and I still miss her.

Two of the three most happiest days in my life were when my two children were born. There is nothing that means more to me than spending time with them.  I love hearing their laughter, I enjoy listening to their stories and I cherish every moment. They are adults now but I tell them they will always be my “babies”.  My guess is most Mother’s probably feel the same.

I think it is nice to have a day dedicated to honoring Mother’s, but honestly I think every day is special to a Mom.

Jacalyn A. Hartzell
AWP Development Assistant

But as the day comes to an end, her final thought before sleep is, “I just can’t get anything right.”

KidsHealth.org takes on the tough topic of children’s self-esteem. As patterns of self-esteem start early in our lives, it is vital that those around us keep an eye to those patterns. Changing patterns because increasingly difficult as we get older. Promoting healthy self-esteem with children and youth prepares them to face the challenges of the world instead of crumbling with anxiety and frustration when those challenges inevitably arise.

Anna’s nightly mantra of self-doubt may result in her speaking negatively about herself. She may flee the opportunity to try new things or give up easily. Those of us surrounding Anna or any other child or youth can give the gift of lifting that individual up. We have the opportunity to foster healthy self-esteem and a sense of optimism that may carry Anna confidently into a bright and promising future. Consider these steps:

• Be careful what you say – offer truthful praise for a both a job well done and for the effort made.
• Be a positive role model – nurture your own healthy self-esteem.
• Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs – champion setting accurate, realistic, and objective standards.
• Be spontaneous and affectionate – praise often and honestly and with love without overdoing it.
• Create a safe and loving environment – feeling safe rather than helpless or without control is healthy.

May is National Teen Self-Esteem Month. Let’s recognize it by each taking the time to surround ourselves with only people who are going to lift us higher. And as we travel through our worlds, crossing paths with the “Annas” who are decidedly less sure of their worth and value, let’s lift others higher. Then when we picture Anna, we can picture a world with a bright and healthy future.

Ifeoma Aduba, AWP Associate Director

Women are expected to “Know your place,” which assumes that the man is strong and forceful, while the woman is weak.

There are many negative effects of the media stereotyping men and women into these certain characteristics. Some men believe that they have the right to be forceful and domineering, and many women remain silent about their thoughts and concerns, masking them behind a wall of serenity and composure. In the case of teen dating violence, a male may believe that it is okay that he abuses his girlfriend. The girlfriend may not recognize or acknowledge this treatment as abuse.  The media teaches women to sit back and appear clueless, and not stand up for themselves. The media’s portrayal of gender roles is completely ridiculous and unreasonable; they cannot force teens to fit into a certain standard. It is dangerous to females’ safety and self-confidence to allow men to push us around, and we must not believe the media’s description of how we should act.

Everyone is different, and we should not be forced to act, and react, in a certain way. We must reject these roles if we want to break free of society’s expectations and live a happier, safer, more independent life.

AWP Teen Volunteer

It was more than 30 years ago and I was a bright eyed college senior applying to graduate school. He looked like a Ken doll. And what’s more, he came from a well to do family. But handsome and well to do didn’t last long.  Not too long after came swearing, bashed in doors, holes in walls, shoes flying over my head, fear for the dog, shattered glass, shattered hopes.

I knew the real danger was in the escalation. The mostly emotional and verbal, while inexcusable and unforgivable, could easily ratchet up. It could become physical in an instant and I could die. He could kill me.

But I was lucky. And here’s why. I had been given many gifts. Gifts which enabled me to get out. Gifts of education, a job, a family to go to, and friends to talk to. I didn’t think of them as blessings at the time but they were. I often fault myself for not seeing signs that may have been there but I don’t ever regret getting out.  It was a life lesson.

Fast forward all these years — many lines and life lessons later.  I am here to pass along another life lesson. There is hope. There is always hope. A Woman’s Place is hope.

I guess I’ll skip the Botox. 

The last time she left, she ate at a soup kitchen three nights a week. The women running the program gave her clothing and let her use the bathroom in the staff office to freshen up. Although they offered to help her find additional resources, Deanna refused. She was ashamed. They also encouraged Deanna to get her GED, but she was afraid to start something she might fail.

So she lived in her car and worked for a day-labor program, earning enough money to buy gas, food and personal items from time to time.

This time she wants to find a job that’s stable and pays better. Before she met Martin, Deanna dreamed of opening her own childcare center, but that dream seems out of reach now.

Deanna’s story is one of many domestic violence survivors. However, remember, there is hope and there are people, programs and organizations willing and ready to help Deanna.

Deanna gained financial independence by securing a part-time job at a daycare that also had a tuition reimbursement program that paid for her schooling. She not only got her GED but also attended a community college and received an Associate’s Degree in Early Childhood Education. She has since pursued her dream and has opened her own childcare center. Although this took over five years to accomplish, she could not be more proud, happy or secure. Deanna gained independence by working hard, staying focused, and never giving up despite the challenges that continued to cross her path.

The Allstate Foundation’s Financial Empowerment Curriculum, along with support partners like the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) will help you do just that: gain personal and financial independence.

Finance Management
If you are like most people, you have a limited amount of money to buy what you need and want, so you must make careful decisions about how to use your money most effectively. Limited money could mean $25 a week for one survivor, but $500 to another as everyone’s situation is different. Regardless of your personal finances, the first step to finance management is to become knowledgeable and be prepared.

• Become Informed
  Knowledge is the key to overcoming fear and achieving economicsuccess. Talk to friends and co-workers who you trust and ask them for advice on financial planning. Watch money-management television programs and read about personal finances. Schedule time to attend financial workshops offered by community organizations and banks.
• Worst-Case Scenarios
  Ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that can happen to me in my situation?” Is the worst-case financial scenario something you can handle? By being aware of the worst-case scenario, you can eliminate the fear that prevents you from moving forward.
•  Take Action
  Once you’ve gathered sufficient data and information, be decisive and take action. Set small and obtainable goals and begin to implement them, even if you are still learning.

Another way to help you better manage your finances is to determine the difference between a want and a need. A “need” is something you must have in order to survive and live. Needs are the essentials, the “must haves” like food and shelter. If you have children and are in school or employed, childcare is a need. Since needs are essential, you must pay those expenses first.

Some things, however, are “wants.” Wants are not essential, but make life easier or more fun. You may want to buy a candy bar, rent a video, eat at your favorite restaurant or buy a new pair of shoes. It’s good to treat yourself once in awhile, but learn to recognize the difference between “wants” and “needs.” By prioritizing these items, you can better plan your expenses. Needs and wants are individual and may change over time.

In addition, find out what community resources and financial options are available to help you make more informed decisions. Domestic violence advocates can also help you get control of your finances.

Private and public resources may provide free or low-cost services to support you and your children. They may also offer benefits to help pay for basic day-to-day needs, including housing, food, utilities and clothing. Visit www.govbenefits.gov to learn more about your state’s benefits.

Most domestic violence programs offer services such as shelter, transitional housing, support groups, economic planning, referral programs, legal advocacy and peer support.

Sometimes accessing other public resources can be difficult. Work with a domestic violence advocate to learn more about what’s available in your community and to develop strategies for accessing these resources.

The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act gives each state the choice of electing Family Violence Options (FVO) as part of its Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) state plan. FVO provides special provisions for individuals who are victims of family violence, such as:

• Domestic violence or abuse screening;
• Confidentiality protections for domestic violence survivors and individuals who are victims of family violence;
• Information and referrals to domestic violence support and advocacy services; and
• Waivers for program requirements including time limits, residency requirements, child support cooperation requirements and family cap provisions (if these requirements make it more difficult to escape abuse, present safety risks, or unfairly penalize domestic violence victims).

For more information on the FVO in your state, contact your local domestic violence program.

Additionally, contact your local department of Human Services or Department of Social Services to apply for other public assistance programs. An advocate from your local domestic violence program can help you locate the contact information and complete the application process. Before you meet with a representative for public assistance, consider the following with an advocate.

• Discuss the pros and cons of disclosing domestic violence before you share any details about your experiences.
• Request domestic violence indicator flags to be placed within your personal TANF file.
• Know that federal and statewide public assistance programs have a “welfare-to-work” policy that requires participants in public assistance programs to undergo job training and find work.

When you contact the Department of Human Services or Department of Social Services, request the following:

• A list of all programs and services available in your city and state;
• Applications for all programs;
• A list of required documents (proof of identity, income, Social Security numbers for household members, etc.);
• Eligibility qualifications; and Income and assets limitations documents.
• Ask how applications should be completed (face-to-face or online).
•  Ask how to apply for food stamps, free school lunch and breakfast programs for your children, as well as Medicaid (medical insurance).
• If you are homeless or in shelter, ask about priority processing to receive emergency assistance services.
• Once you receive public benefits, you will have regular contact with your caseworker. You must demonstrate that you meet program requirements to continue receiving these benefits.
• If you receive Supplemental Security Income from the Social Security Administration, you may qualify for Medicaid.
• Be prepared to answer questions and provide documentation about your finances since eligibility for most programs is based on your income level.
• If your claim for benefits or your application is denied, consider filing an appeal.

 Lastly, if you are 62 or older, remember that you are eligible for Social Security benefits. These benefits are determined by the amount of income earned over your working life. Additionally, if you were married for at least 10 years and have an ex-spouse who is also 62 or older, you are also eligible to obtain benefits based on the working life of your spouse. Drawing upon these benefits does not affect the benefits that the ex-spouse receives and can be an important source of income.

• You can apply for Social Security benefits in person, online or over the phone. To apply online, go to www.socialsecurity.gov. You can also make an appointment to apply over the phone by calling 1-800-772-1213.
• For people who are deaf or hard of hearing, you can also use the Social Security Administrations toll-free “TTY” number at 1-800-325- 0778. The Social Security Administration can be reached by phone or TTY between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M. on Monday through Friday.

When you apply for benefits, you will need the following information:

• Your Social Security number;
• Your birth certificate;
• Your W-2 forms or self-employment tax return for last year;
• Your military discharge papers if you had military service;
• Your spouse’s birth certificate and Social Security number if he or she is applying for benefits;
• Children’s birth certificates and Social Security numbers, if applying for children’s benefits;
• Proof of U.S. citizenship or lawful alien status if you (or a spouse or child is applying for benefits) were not born in the U.S.; and
• The name of your bank and your account number if you want your benefits directly deposited into your account.

You will need to submit original documents or copies that are certified by the issuing office or take them to the Social Security Administration (SSA) office. The SSA will make photocopies and return the documents to you.

Moving Ahead Through Financial Management-Module Two
© May 2010 The Allstate Foundation All Rights Reserved 8

Budgeting and Saving
Financial planning is critical and starts with budgeting. Whether you’re livingwith your partner and have never married or are seeking separation or divorce, you may be able to get help resolving your debt, accessing insurance and obtaining other financial support to increase financial security.

The definition of financial security varies from person to person. For some, it means having food, shelter and a decent job. For others, it means being able to live where they want, afford childcare and own a car. And for others, financial security is defined by preparing for a comfortable retirement, enjoying vacations, owning a home, and paying for college.

Financial security is one of the many reasons why making the decision to end an abusive relationship can be difficult. Most women find that their standard of living declines after ending a relationship and those without employment may have to work to support themselves and their children. This can be overwhelming and frightening.

Regardless of how you define financial security, if you make the decision to leave an abusive partner, remember, you are not alone. Community service providers will help you address safety concerns, identify assistance programs devise appropriate plans and strategies to regain control of your life.

Begin by developing a budget. A budget will help you to understand where your money goes.

To create a budget, follow these steps:

Step 1: Identify your net monthly income
This is the money that comes into your household, after deducting taxes, Social Security, insurance, etc.

Step 2: Identify your monthly expenses
Monthly expenses include rent and utilities, as well as those that occur periodically, like car insurance and medical expenses.

Step 3: Subtract your monthly expenses from your income
The difference between your income and expenses indicates whether or not you have any money to spare. If you have extra money, you’ll need to decide whether to spend or save it. Can you reduce expenses or earn more money to cover shortages? By distinguishing between needs and wants, you can better identify areas where you might be overspending.
To continue the budgeting process, complete the form:

Personal Budget Form Monthly Income (checks or cash):
Monthly Fixed Expenses:
Rent/mortgage (principal, tax, insurance) __________
Life insurance __________
Medical/health insurance __________
Vehicle insurance __________
Disability insurance __________
Household insurance __________
Car payments __________
Other loan payments __________
Savings __________
Emergency savings __________
Other (list) __________

Monthly Flexible Expenses:
Utilities (electric, gas, water, phone, fuel oil, etc.) __________
Credit card payments __________
Auto upkeep (gasoline, oil, maintenance) __________
Food (at home and away from home) __________
Clothing __________
Household supplies __________
Medical/dental costs __________
Recreation/entertainment __________
Church donation/other charities __________
Childcare __________
Education __________
Personal allowances __________
Other (list) __________

Total Monthly Expenses: __________

Total Income Minus Total Expenses: __________

Add or Minus Balance from Previous Month: __________

Savings is listed as a category because it should be treated as part of your budget. It is important to put aside money each month for savings, if possible, no matter how small. Start by deciding how much you are comfortable saving each month. Once you determine that amount, pay yourself first. Before you pay bills, set aside money for your savings. Then pay your other bills. If you do not have enough money to cover all the expenses, find ways to reduce your spending or increase your income. This may mean you have to work a few extra hours, avoid eating out or limit treats for your children. This may sound difficult, but you will feel good knowing you have money saved for your future. Over time, paying yourself first will get easier, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner!

A budget is a tool that will help you make critical spending decisions. If you’re considering or have ended a financial relationship with your partner, it’s important to review all of your assets to find out if they will support you and your family. When you end a relationship, your income and financial assets may change dramatically. If you take time to determine how much money you need to support your family, you can prepare in advance to meet your family’s financial needs.

In addition to paper-based budgeting tools, there are also free budgeting tools available online, such as www.MINT.com or ww.QuickenOnLine.com.

If you don’t have enough money to support your family, or if you have substantial debt, don’t despair! Debt is common in the United States, and there are many resources to help you manage it. Don’t allow your fear of debt to prevent you from ending a relationship with an abusive partner or moving forward.

• Document the assets you currently have such as housing, child support, employment, health insurance, car, etc.
• Review your financial liabilities. Do you have credit-card debt or do you owe money to family or friends? By understanding how much debt you have, you can better manage your finances.

This exercise will help you determine if you need additional financial support. If you don’t have assets in a particular category, develop a plan to access resources in your local community.Work with your domestic violence advocate to develop a plan to access resources in your community. An advocate can also help you identify your financial resources and reduce debt. Once you have a clear picture of your liabilities, create a plan to lower and eliminate them. Your local domestic violence program may have partnerships with organizations that can help.

To manage your money wisely, set financial goals and establish a budget to help you achieve them. What are your personal financial goals? For example, if you had $1,000, what would you do with it? Buy a car? Set up a savings fund for emergencies? Whatever you have identified, can likely be categorized as a financial goal; therefore, to achieve your financial goals you’ll need to manage your finances and put money aside regularly to meet those goals.

Financial Goals and Emotions

For many of us, emotions and money are closely tied and spending to fill an emotional need can be a challenge when sticking to a budget. If you are having trouble sticking to your budget, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I shopping to make myself feel better? What emotions am I experiencing and is there another way that I can fill this need?

These are just a couple of examples of how spending can take on anemotional element in your life and how it can pose challenges in keeping a budget.

For example, after her divorce Carrie finally felt free. In her marriage, her

As a final tip before making a purchase, compare prices to be sure you are paying a fair price. Don’t overpay because you “fall in love” with something. And don’t spend more than you can afford. If you pay more than you can afford, it will take longer to achieve your financial goals. If your children are old enough to understand the benefits of spending less today to reach future goals, discuss this with them. They may be able to help you reach your financial goals.

Teaching children how to manage money can be a challenge. But if you teach them the difference between “needs” and “wants,” how to budget and how to save, they will know more than many adults. If you don’t teach these important lessons, they will be more likely to join the millions of Americans who accumulate massive debt.

Strategies for Dealing with Emotions and Money

Having a plan can help you overcome emotions that may cause you to buy things you don’t need.

Step 1:
Write your goals down and identify how much time and money it will take to get there.

Step 2:
Keep your written goals in a place you’ll see them and remind yourself often of the priorities you have set. This may help keep you on track if your emotions start to take over.

Step 3:
Examine your feelings and consider if you are being tempted to overspend based on emotion. If so, consider an alternative way to meeting your need and remind your self of how you will feel when you are successful in meeting your financial goals.

The best way to teach children about finances is to be a role model. They will pay attention to what you say about money and to how you manage money. Show restraint with money. Let your children see your budget,comparison-shop and make regular contributions to a savings account.

Inexpensive ways to treat yourself and your children …without breaking the bank:

Treating yourself:

• Give yourself a manicure
• Enjoy your favorite dessert
• Read a good book
• Spend time with a good friend
• Go for a walk
• Invite friends over for a potluck to share the cost of food

Treating your children:

• Bake them a cake
• Read them a story
• Rent a video or borrow one from the library
• Play their favorite game with them
• Invite their friends for a sleepover

Experts advise an emergency savings fund should have enough money to pay three to six months of basic living expenses for such things as repairs on a car or leaky roof, allowing you to avoid paying interest on a credit card or simply doing without. If you do not think you can ever save this amount of money, begin saving as much as you can. Every dollar helps and adds up over time!

It’s important to put money away consistently and spend it only for true emergencies. It’s better to save $10 every month than to save $25 only occasionally. Put money aside by making a deposit to your account as though you were paying a monthly bill.

Earning interest on your money is important and the best way to ensure your future financial success is to start saving today. The secret to growing money is by saving coupled with the miracle of compound interest. Even modest returns can generate real wealth given enough time and dedication.

Compound interest arises when interest is added to the principal, so that from that moment on, the interest that has been added also itself earns interest. This addition of interest to the principal is called compounding (for example the interest is compounded). A bank account, for example, may have its interest compounded every year: in this case, an account with $1000 initial principal and 20% interest per year would have a balance of $1200 at the end of the first year, $1440 at the end of the second year, and so on. For more information on compound interest, visit http://www.myallstatefinancial.com/financial-calculators.aspx .

There are a number of types of accounts where you can earn interest on your savings. When deciding where to put your money, consider how available you need it to be and what kind of interest rate you can earn on your money. For example, emergency funds need to be readily available so a typical savings account is a good choice. However, funds that won’t be need immediately can usually earn a higher interest rate in a money market account or certificate of deposit (CD).

Here is a summary of typical types of accounts for savings:

• Interest-Earning Savings Accounts
  You’ll earn about 1%-2% percent interest on your savings and receive a monthly statement in the mail. Funds can be withdrawn at any time.
• Money Market Accounts
  These pay about one-half percent higher interest than savings accounts, but may require a higher minimum balance. You can usually make as many deposits as you like for free, but there are limits regarding the number of withdrawals that can be made each month.
• Certificates of Deposit
  If you have money that can be tied up for three months to six years, certificates of deposit will likely offer the highest interest rates, depending on the term you choose. There are stiff penalties for early withdrawals, so choose a term you can live with.
• Assets and Liabilities
  The next step to financial management is to begin identifying your income and assets, as well as your debts and liabilities. This includes your own assets, your joint assets and your partner’s individual assets.

Consider the following:

• Are your property and financial assets held in both of your names or is everything in your partner’s name?
• Is your apartment lease in both your names? Is your home titled to both of you jointly?
• Do you have joint bank accounts? Individual bank accounts?
• Has your partner threatened to make you cash-in any property or financial assets you own, so that he can share the proceeds?
• Does your partner have more than one pension or retirement plan from current and previous jobs?
• Do you know what information is required in the court order, decree or property settlement before your partner’s pension plan will pay benefits directly to you?

The answers to these questions will be useful if you pursue child support, need to divide property or if you are going through a divorce. Remember to share this information with your advocate and attorney. If you suspect that your partner may attempt to hide assets, it’s important to start investigating your finances before you initiate divorce proceedings. If you have the resources, investigate the following:

• Does your partner own antiques, tools, artwork or collections whose value could be underestimated?
• Does your partner receive income that has not been reported on tax returns or financial statements?
• Is your partner the co-owner of a custodial account with your children or in your children’s names?
• Does your partner own any certificates of deposit, municipal bonds or Series EE Savings Bonds that aren’t registered with the IRS?
• Could your partner have asked his employer to delay any bonuses, stock options or raises?
• Has your partner recently paid any “debts” to a friend or family member that you think may be phony?
• Could your partner have retirement accounts you’re unaware of?
• Does your partner own a business?

Although you may not be requesting access or ownership to the above items or accounts – it’s important that they be counted as an asset so the division of property can be fair and equitable. Sorting through a financial relationship you shared with an abusive partner can be difficult, challenging and sometimes dangerous. Remember, creditors, credit counselors, financial planners, attorneys, certified public accountants or forensic accountants can assist.

Following separation and during a divorce process, abusive partners often refuse to cooperate or make attempts to manipulate the process. Be aware of your safety risks as you manage these challenges. You may discover that your partner has:

Opened accounts and created additional debt in your name;

• Hidden or undervalued his own assets;
• Refused to comply with payment plans established by creditors; 
• Quit his job or obtained a low-paying job to escape financial responsibility.

You may be asked to use a mediator to resolve financial obligations you shared with your partner. Mediation may not be safe, helpful or comfortable for victims of domestic violence since it requires that the parties work together as equals to reach a settlement during numerous meetings. Let the court know mediation is not a safe option for you.

With that said, remember that you do not need to like or agree with everything the other party says or wants in order for mediation to work.

The role of the mediator is to facilitate that communication so that each party is heard. Many times all it takes is to take the emotion and volatility out of a situation in order for the couple to reach a satisfactory agreement. www.mediate.com is an excellent website for more information regarding mediation.

 What Are Some Resources For Help?

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233 or (800) 787-3224 (TTY)|
www.ndvh.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline services include:

• Crisis intervention, safety planning, information about domestic violence and referrals to local service providers;
• Direct connection to domestic violence resources available in the caller’s area provided by a hotline advocate;
• Assistance in both English and Spanish with hotline advocates also having access to more than

140 different languages through interpreter services.

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)
660 Pennsylvania Ave. SE, Suite 303
Washington, DC 20003
(202) 543-5566
(202) 543-5626 – Fax
Web http://www.nnedv.org

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
(800) 537-2238

http://www.nrcdv.org

Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services (ADWAS)
4738 11th Ave., NE
Seattle, WA 98105
(206) 726-0093 (TTY)
(206) 726-0017 – Fax
adwas@adwas.org

http://www.adwas.org/

Alianza (National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic Violence)
P.O. Box 672, Triborough Station
New York, NY 10035
(646) 672-1404 or (800) 342-9908
(646) 672-0360 or (800) 216-2404 – Fax
inquiry@dvalianza.org
www.dvalianza.org/

American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence
740 15th Street NW, 9th floor
Washington, DC 20005-1022
(202) 662-1737

http://www.abanet.org/domviol/home.html

American Civil Liberties Union
www.aclu.org

ASISTA
515 28th Street
Des Moines, IA 50312
(515) 244-2469
questions@asistaonline.org

Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW)
http://www.catwinternational.org/

The Faith Trust Institute
2400 N. 45th Street, #10
Seattle, WA 98103
(206) 634-1903
www.faithtrustinstitute.org

Family Violence Prevention Fund
383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5133
(415) 252-8900

http://www.endabuse.org

Incite! Women of Color Against Violence
P.O. Box 23921
Oakland, CA 94623
(484) 932-3166
www.incite-national.org

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence
http://www.ncdsv.org/

National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
125 S. 9th Street, Suite 302
Philadelphia, PA 19107
(215) 351-0010

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
P.O. Box 18749
Denver, CO 80218-0749
(303) 839-1852

http://www.ncadv.org

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs
|240 West 35th Street, Suite 200
New York, NY 10001
(212) 714-1141

http://www.thetaskforce.org/

National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5133
(888) Rx-ABUSE (792-2873)

http://www.endabuse.org/health

Wider Opportunities for Women (WOW)
1001 Connecticut Avenue NW, Suite 930|
Washington, DC 20036
(202) 464-1596

http://www.wowonline.org

Womenslaw.org
55 Washington St., Suite 614
Brooklyn, NY 11201

http://www.womanslaw.org

“The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination.” – Tommy Lasorda  

Just a few weeks ago, I started my last semester of college. Throughout the four years I’ve met many interesting people, all whom have unique stories and qualities to offer. I’ve met people of all ages, races, religions, and social statuses.  At a recent early morning class I met a girl with a truly inspiring story.

She was born with Cerebral Palsy. She is a twin. Her twin brother is healthy and independent. Her disability was caused by a doctor’s mistake. Her name is Kristen.

For those who are unaware of what Cerebral Palsy is, it is caused by a severe injury of the brain at birth, or within the first 2 years of a child’s life when the brain is still developing. (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov)

After class, she and I went to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite to eat before our next class. In the short hour that we spent talking, she shared her story with me and how she maintains this incredibly positive attitude and desire to give back.

Within the first years of her life the doctors informed her parents that she would need physical therapy right away if there was any hope of her walking or functioning on her own. “I couldn’t sit up on my own. I was like a rag doll.” she said. Her parents began therapy immediately and as she grew older they took her to a horseback riding academy that focuses on therapeutic exercise to assist the disabled and enhance the quality of life for all who attend. Instead of focusing on the problem or disability, the academy focused on the ability.

Over the years Kristen learned how to sit up and walk, and she is now able to function on her own. She still has her struggles and has to wear braces on her legs, but the riding school allowed her to accomplish a realm of independence that she would not have had the ability to do otherwise. She still attends the academy and also volunteers regularly. “I feel like I owe them. I have a second and a third mom there. I have to volunteer because they gave me my life.” Kristen chooses to “pay it forward” so others can benefit as she did.

“There have been times when I felt like giving up or giving in.” Kristen shared. But she is a determined girl who, although, has had many obstacles and odds against her, has powered through and overcome them.

We all have issues and roadblocks in our lives. How you handle and react to the situations can allow your inner beauty and personality to shine. Think positively. Give generously and take pride in all that you do. Kristen proved to me that determination is a motivating force for success and achieving goals that you set for yourself.

This quote summarizes it perfectly:
“Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline. Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregard for obstacles and other people’s criticisms carry out your plan.”–Paul J. Meyer

Information on “Paying it Forward” Day
“The ripple effect” begins on Thursday, April 26, 2012. For more information visit this website http://payitforwardday.com/. See what you can do to make a difference, but don’t just do it then, do it every time you have a chance! Start paying it forward now and beyond!

Brittney Nowak, AWP Intern

Global Youth Service Day(s) was this past weekend and in keeping with its spirit I suggest we all give back. Give back to the community and those who could truly use our help.  Start close to home and work your way out. This is the way many successful leaders have made an impact on their community and eventually their world.

A community is united in some way or another. You may not know your community personally.  You may not speak to your neighbors on a regular basis, or perhaps you don’t even know some of their names. But as people, we all look out for the best interest of ourselves and our family and friends. We all want to live in a safe community that offers a stable and inviting living environment for everyone. You don’t have to know names, professions or backgrounds.  You don’t need to know what kind of car they drive, where they are from or where they have been to realize that humans are human and community safety is an innate want and need.

Global Youth Service Day is an extraordinary reminder of the power that youth has on our country, as well as our world.

I recently watched an Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Reruns or not, the impressive amount of youth impact that is displayed on that show makes people realize that whether you are 9, 19, 29, 49, 69, it doesn’t matter.  Age is only a number. It’s not the amount of years you are, but about the amount of care, love, compassion and dedication you have in your heart.

For youth, this weekend was a time to shine. Let’s not let this be the end of it. Global Youth Service Day(s) should be the start of a positive habit to engage community involvement. Don’t think that your age is a guiding factor for success. Your contributions and thoughts mean something.

In Bucks County there are various organizations that can use your help to volunteer. The United Way of Buck County, acts as a great resource to help locate opportunities for volunteering.  You can also sign up to volunteer at a A Woman’s Place (AWP) by clicking here to fill out the Teen Volunteer application.

Now let’s think beyond the self-satisfaction of volunteering.

What about future benefits for you as youth?

Volunteering builds relationships with a diverse range of people. That not only builds upon communication skills, but also acts as future references for college and jobs. Both look highly at volunteering. Volunteering shows you are self-motivated; a trait which is admired in all professions.

Start thinking of any possible way to give back, small or large. You never know how you can change or impact someone else’s life and maybe even your own.

Information on Global Youth Service Day can be found at here. Check out the website and see the impact that youth has had in over 100 countries on six continents throughout the world.  Watch stories of previous and current volunteers and find out what you can do to contribute. Get Involved and Give Back.

Brittney Nowak, AWP Intern